As I drew closer to my surgery date, the enemy's lies kept coming stronger and louder. I know he is powerless and I need to be alert and armed with the Word of God to combat his nonesense. And that is exactly what it is - Nonesense. The enemy knows that he is powerless, he knows that he is a liar and best of all, he knows is has already lost the battle.
When Jesus Christ called out, "It is finished," that was the moment that He completed the work on our behalf. The moment when the battle was won. The moment of redemption, when He paid the price for our salvation.
So when the enemy comes in to your head and starts to whisper words of defeat, resist him and he will flee the Bible says. Don't listen to him and breath life in to his lies by believing him. We are more than conquerors, we are overcomers the Word said.
As I was talking to our Worship Pastor last night and she was telling me what her mentor told her to do with her worries/problems she was facing. Put them in a (figurative) wrap a bow on it and hand it over to our Father. I thought to myself, I will take that one step further - the next time the enemy brings those worries/fears/problems back to my mind, I will simply say, "Not my problem anymore, I've handed that over to my Father."
We never like it when people pass the buck - but here is one time when you can actually feel empowered and free to pass the buck.
1 John 4:17 (one of my favorite scriptures)
Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgement; because as He is, so are we in this world.
Did you get that? Jesus is not sitting at the right hand of our Father worrying or fretting - Heck NO! He is our perfect example of PEACE BE STILL.
He said, "Be still and know that I AM GOD.
So next time you have a worry or concern or fear or problem - Go to our Heavenly Father - wrap it up in a box, put a bow on it and hand it over to God. Then be still and know that He is God - He will handle it for you.
And the next time the enemy recalls it to memory for you, just say, "Not my problem anymore, I have handed it over to my Father and He is handling that for me."
You see as Jesus is right now, (think about that), so are you, so am I, in this world.
As for the trials we face in life - because we will -
2 Corinthians 4:17
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.
Another translation says, "...making us ready for great things that God is going to give us forever."
So, trials are momentary and they prepare us for bigger and better.
I am not making light of our trials and troubles, I am asking you not to dwell there and have a pity party. That is where the enemy wants you to be - broken and defeated. That is not who we were created to be - We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 4:13
I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.
ALL not some...
So receive His gift, which is free to us and become an overcomer.
Loving you with the Love of Christ.
Me
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
My Shelter from this Storm...
I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth... Psalms 121
(read the whole chapter - remember I know you have a bible, you just need to look for it and dust off the dust that's covering it.)
I have been thinking about this "storm" that I find myself in the midst of. Words of encouragement and a whole lot of compliments have been thrown my way. I don't know about you, but I get very uncomfortable with attention and compliments. I know everyone is showing their support and so I receive them graciously, and I am ever so grateful. I leave and I think about everything someone has said and I am touched. One of the words used to describe me is strong. Funny thing is, I don't see myself as strong - physically? Yes! I can rearrange my whole entire house and not break a sweat. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually? No. Surprise? I bet.
A few days ago, after coffee with a friend I was thinking about all this again and just talking to my (our) Heavenly Father about all this - it makes no sense to me that I feel so vulnerable and weak inside and yet be seen as strong. And then a song comes on the radio that reminded me of the scripture above.
I will digress a little...
I grew up on a tiny island in the middle of the South Pacific - literally. We affectionately refer to our island home as "The Rock." The home I grew up in is at the foot of a mountain. As a little girl I used to look up at that mountain, (a lot), and say the this scripture: I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? Then I would boldly say, My help comes from the Lord! I can't tell you how many times I looked up at that mountain and say this scripture. I had no idea I would be sitting here many years later recalling this memory for you.
Anyway, as I drove thinking about this scripture - I asked, Where does my strength come from? At that moment I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratefulness because I was reminded that HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME, NOR FORSAKE ME! Even though my human strength may fail me, my Father's strength will carry me. He is constantly reassuring me that He has already healed me. That He is leading me step by step. It is because of Him and His sacrifice that I am able to boldly delcare that everything is going to be ok.
2 Corinthians 12:9
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
I am still not quite sure why I have to go through this, I just know that He has me by the hand and is leading me. He has even had to reach down and pick me up and carry me. I may not understand, but I trust Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on you own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
If you are like me, then you are a "big picture" type of person. Don't bore me with the details, I just need to see/understand the big picture. What is the outcome we are hoping for? What's our goal? What's our purpose? I have a really hard time moving forward if I don't know what the goal is. But...
In this "storm" I am in, I wholeheartedly trust my Heavenly Father. I definitely know that He is at work and He is preparing me for bigger and better things. :)
It's been about a month now since I have started this journey, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that God is faithful and true at His word. I know He loves me. I know who I am in Him. I know this because of what He did for me 2000+ years ago.
Today, we remember the torture and pain that our Saviour Jesus Christ suffered ON OUR BEHALF. He knew NO sin - you and I do. It's because God the Father wanted a relationship with us, that He sent His Son to die on the cross. Our Heavenly Father's plan for us was to give us a life free of sickness and pain, but we have this sinful nature that keeps us from enjoying that life. So He sacrificed - and for a moment He HAD TO FORSAKE HIS ONLY SON. Think about that for a moment - if you are a parent, let that sink in.... Can you imagine turning your back on your child when he or she is crying out for help be cause he or she is in pain?
As painful and as agonizing as that was for our Father - He did it for you and for me. Because He loves us - He wants a relationship with us. He wants to bless us, provide for us, heal us, restore us, the list goes on... HE LOVES US...
John 3:16
For God so LOVED the world, He gave His ONLY SON, so none of us would perish but have everlasting life...
He is amazing, He is faithful and true, and HE IS CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU!!
Find a church this weekend, attend it, God's waiting for you.
Happy Resurrection weekend!! HE IS RISEN!
Lots of Love!!
Me. :)
(read the whole chapter - remember I know you have a bible, you just need to look for it and dust off the dust that's covering it.)
I have been thinking about this "storm" that I find myself in the midst of. Words of encouragement and a whole lot of compliments have been thrown my way. I don't know about you, but I get very uncomfortable with attention and compliments. I know everyone is showing their support and so I receive them graciously, and I am ever so grateful. I leave and I think about everything someone has said and I am touched. One of the words used to describe me is strong. Funny thing is, I don't see myself as strong - physically? Yes! I can rearrange my whole entire house and not break a sweat. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually? No. Surprise? I bet.
A few days ago, after coffee with a friend I was thinking about all this again and just talking to my (our) Heavenly Father about all this - it makes no sense to me that I feel so vulnerable and weak inside and yet be seen as strong. And then a song comes on the radio that reminded me of the scripture above.
I will digress a little...
I grew up on a tiny island in the middle of the South Pacific - literally. We affectionately refer to our island home as "The Rock." The home I grew up in is at the foot of a mountain. As a little girl I used to look up at that mountain, (a lot), and say the this scripture: I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? Then I would boldly say, My help comes from the Lord! I can't tell you how many times I looked up at that mountain and say this scripture. I had no idea I would be sitting here many years later recalling this memory for you.
Anyway, as I drove thinking about this scripture - I asked, Where does my strength come from? At that moment I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratefulness because I was reminded that HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME, NOR FORSAKE ME! Even though my human strength may fail me, my Father's strength will carry me. He is constantly reassuring me that He has already healed me. That He is leading me step by step. It is because of Him and His sacrifice that I am able to boldly delcare that everything is going to be ok.
2 Corinthians 12:9
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
I am still not quite sure why I have to go through this, I just know that He has me by the hand and is leading me. He has even had to reach down and pick me up and carry me. I may not understand, but I trust Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on you own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
If you are like me, then you are a "big picture" type of person. Don't bore me with the details, I just need to see/understand the big picture. What is the outcome we are hoping for? What's our goal? What's our purpose? I have a really hard time moving forward if I don't know what the goal is. But...
In this "storm" I am in, I wholeheartedly trust my Heavenly Father. I definitely know that He is at work and He is preparing me for bigger and better things. :)
It's been about a month now since I have started this journey, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that God is faithful and true at His word. I know He loves me. I know who I am in Him. I know this because of what He did for me 2000+ years ago.
Today, we remember the torture and pain that our Saviour Jesus Christ suffered ON OUR BEHALF. He knew NO sin - you and I do. It's because God the Father wanted a relationship with us, that He sent His Son to die on the cross. Our Heavenly Father's plan for us was to give us a life free of sickness and pain, but we have this sinful nature that keeps us from enjoying that life. So He sacrificed - and for a moment He HAD TO FORSAKE HIS ONLY SON. Think about that for a moment - if you are a parent, let that sink in.... Can you imagine turning your back on your child when he or she is crying out for help be cause he or she is in pain?
As painful and as agonizing as that was for our Father - He did it for you and for me. Because He loves us - He wants a relationship with us. He wants to bless us, provide for us, heal us, restore us, the list goes on... HE LOVES US...
John 3:16
For God so LOVED the world, He gave His ONLY SON, so none of us would perish but have everlasting life...
He is amazing, He is faithful and true, and HE IS CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU!!
Find a church this weekend, attend it, God's waiting for you.
Happy Resurrection weekend!! HE IS RISEN!
Lots of Love!!
Me. :)
Monday, March 25, 2013
One Gi-normous Whirlwind... Holding on tight to my Anchor
Wow, I cannot believe that another week has dawned. What happened to my weekend? So much has happened it's crazy. I had to go back to my last post to see where I left off.
As of Friday morning, I had completed yet another ultrasound, this time of my right side. I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon and an MRI-guided biospy scheduled for today.
Did I tell you that God is faithful? He is ridiculously faithful, He blows my mind time and time again!
Isaiah 41:13
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you!!! (awesome mediation verse)
HE WILL HELP ME! (In every step of this journey - the last line of the song He put in my mind at the very beginning of this journey says, ... and step-by-step He'll lead me).
The plastic surgeon we met with is apparently very good and very popular. My oncology surgeon was concerned that his schedule may be booked as he is normally booked out months in advance. And so she had a plan A with another plastic surgeon. My husband, who is very picky and maticulous, had his own plan A as to who will be my plastic surgeon. As I was talking to my oncology surgeon, she mentioned a name that did not match the name that my husband had in mind. And so I mentioned the name that my husband told me. Her concerned was that I may not get in and she is ready to move with my surgery - I don't blame her, I am too.
Praise God for friends and connections. I told my husband what she said and he immediately went to work. You see, our meetings with different people in our lives are NEVER an accident. My husband has known this plastic surgeon for years and has sent quite a few breast cancer patients, (even others), to see this surgeon. He has heard raving reports about him and so my husband was determined to get a hold of him.
This is why I believe that my (our) every move is preordained... God's knows everything about me and nothing is by chance. He has a purpose in our lives and He will fulfill it if we choose to let Him.
The meeting with the plastic surgeon was very good. We decided on a course of action, which to my SURPRISE WILL ELIMINATE RADIATION!! And, after I let the meeting discussion settle in my head, I called my oncology surgeon because now I have a few questions. One of which involves the MRI that was schedule for today.
Remember I told you that I am a wimp and just don't do pain in any which shape or form? Well, I was now trying to get out of the MRI-guided biopsy. The last biopsy I had has traumatized me that I still vividly remember the pain and reaction!
And so I asked, "given the course of action I have decided on, do I still need the MRI on Monday?"
And she said, "good point! no you don't, I will call them on Monday and cancel it. "
WOOHOO!!!!!! no pain for me!
I am telling you, GOD IS SOOOOO FAITHFUL! How can I find better words to convince you if you still don't see through my journey that He wants to show you His Faithfulness. NO RADIATION AND NO BIOSPY!
Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same YESTERDAY, TODAY and FOREVER.
He is still in the same business He was in 2000 plus years ago. He went about healing and forgiving, meeting people and their needs right where they are at.
May His name be glorified and lifted up today and always.
Now I have some very important questions for the plastic surgeon. They tell me I will be in the hospital for one night. Praise God. And I will not be able to drive the day after. I can deal with that... I will not be able to move my arms much???? hmmmm.... ok let's look at this - because this is really concerning me...
When they say I cannot move my arms up and I will be spending the night outside of my home...
Can I at least move them enough to get my makeup on?
DON'T LAUGH! This is serious! equally as important the shoes I will be wearing to and from the hospital.
I have thought this all through. I will not be able to put on my jeans, no biggie - I will wear a maxi-dress. I will not be able to bend down and strap on some shoes. No big deal, I will bring slip on ones, (heels of course).
HELLO!! I cannot slip on some make up! I need to move my arms for that!
Do you think that falls under a nurse's job description? Do I even want to let someone else do my makeup?????? NOT!
So, I know the plastic surgeon will be convinced I am crazy - but that is ok - I need my make up. I will call his office this morning - or should I use his cell - he did say, "call with all questions, you have my cell...."
Wife and mama duties are calling.
God bless your day today....
With Lots of Love from me and especially our Father. :)
As of Friday morning, I had completed yet another ultrasound, this time of my right side. I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon and an MRI-guided biospy scheduled for today.
Did I tell you that God is faithful? He is ridiculously faithful, He blows my mind time and time again!
Isaiah 41:13
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you!!! (awesome mediation verse)
HE WILL HELP ME! (In every step of this journey - the last line of the song He put in my mind at the very beginning of this journey says, ... and step-by-step He'll lead me).
The plastic surgeon we met with is apparently very good and very popular. My oncology surgeon was concerned that his schedule may be booked as he is normally booked out months in advance. And so she had a plan A with another plastic surgeon. My husband, who is very picky and maticulous, had his own plan A as to who will be my plastic surgeon. As I was talking to my oncology surgeon, she mentioned a name that did not match the name that my husband had in mind. And so I mentioned the name that my husband told me. Her concerned was that I may not get in and she is ready to move with my surgery - I don't blame her, I am too.
Praise God for friends and connections. I told my husband what she said and he immediately went to work. You see, our meetings with different people in our lives are NEVER an accident. My husband has known this plastic surgeon for years and has sent quite a few breast cancer patients, (even others), to see this surgeon. He has heard raving reports about him and so my husband was determined to get a hold of him.
This is why I believe that my (our) every move is preordained... God's knows everything about me and nothing is by chance. He has a purpose in our lives and He will fulfill it if we choose to let Him.
The meeting with the plastic surgeon was very good. We decided on a course of action, which to my SURPRISE WILL ELIMINATE RADIATION!! And, after I let the meeting discussion settle in my head, I called my oncology surgeon because now I have a few questions. One of which involves the MRI that was schedule for today.
Remember I told you that I am a wimp and just don't do pain in any which shape or form? Well, I was now trying to get out of the MRI-guided biopsy. The last biopsy I had has traumatized me that I still vividly remember the pain and reaction!
And so I asked, "given the course of action I have decided on, do I still need the MRI on Monday?"
And she said, "good point! no you don't, I will call them on Monday and cancel it. "
WOOHOO!!!!!! no pain for me!
I am telling you, GOD IS SOOOOO FAITHFUL! How can I find better words to convince you if you still don't see through my journey that He wants to show you His Faithfulness. NO RADIATION AND NO BIOSPY!
Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same YESTERDAY, TODAY and FOREVER.
He is still in the same business He was in 2000 plus years ago. He went about healing and forgiving, meeting people and their needs right where they are at.
May His name be glorified and lifted up today and always.
Now I have some very important questions for the plastic surgeon. They tell me I will be in the hospital for one night. Praise God. And I will not be able to drive the day after. I can deal with that... I will not be able to move my arms much???? hmmmm.... ok let's look at this - because this is really concerning me...
When they say I cannot move my arms up and I will be spending the night outside of my home...
Can I at least move them enough to get my makeup on?
DON'T LAUGH! This is serious! equally as important the shoes I will be wearing to and from the hospital.
I have thought this all through. I will not be able to put on my jeans, no biggie - I will wear a maxi-dress. I will not be able to bend down and strap on some shoes. No big deal, I will bring slip on ones, (heels of course).
HELLO!! I cannot slip on some make up! I need to move my arms for that!
Do you think that falls under a nurse's job description? Do I even want to let someone else do my makeup?????? NOT!
So, I know the plastic surgeon will be convinced I am crazy - but that is ok - I need my make up. I will call his office this morning - or should I use his cell - he did say, "call with all questions, you have my cell...."
Wife and mama duties are calling.
God bless your day today....
With Lots of Love from me and especially our Father. :)
Friday, March 22, 2013
My Journey.... A War Being Waged in my Head
I'm in Waiting Mode again...
I'm up early again... can't sleep. I am sure this is totally normal, considering the circumstances. I'm thinking about an awesome cup of coffee - but I am also thinking that it just might be too early for that - it is 2:30 in the morning.
I read a really awesome book this past weekend, Possessing your Healing written by Kynan Bridges. I had heard our Pastor and Andrew Womack teach on the very same topic and I started to view God's healing in a whole new light, then. The book goes in to more detail and it really makes you think twice about how we see God's love and nature when it comes to forgiveness and HEALING. I would highly recommend it. You can download it from the iBooks store for only 3.99 and it is a fast read.
I am also reading The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. Another awesome book. This book is right on point when it comes to what goes on in our minds and how it affects our lives. Her descriptions are no-nonsense, no fluffs. I think that is the problem we have today - too much fluff.
So here is what I face during the "wait" times.
We all know the difference between positive vs negative thinking or having a positive vs a negative attitude. I am sure your mind has taken you through the "what if" scenarios in life, mine has. But lately, I feel like there is a full-blown war being waged in my mind.
The bible tells us this:
Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
How do you combat? The Word of God.
These powers of of darkness are really and truly powerless against the word of God. The enemy is a liar, he lost the battle over 2000 years ago.
The problem with waiting in times such as the one I am in at the moment, is our minds become fertile ground for attacks. These attacks come in a form of doubt, fear and loneliness, amongst other things.
It doesn't matter what you are facing, big or small, you are now a prime target. (We are always targets, I think we become bigger targets when we face trials because we start to get preoccupied with our circumstances and take our eyes off our prize - our Heavenly Father). The bible tells us that the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. He will steal your confidence and instill fear and doubt and before you know it you are on a downward spiral. Can I ask you a favor? One day, pay attention to the words that come in and out of your head. Are they positive or negative? Are they words that will benefit you or mindless words that have no use for you? Are they words that will please our Heavenly Father or space-fillers?
Our church is in the middle of a small group study called Soul Detox - I feel like this was pre-ordained especially for me at this time. The first session was on Lethal Language - words that do not build anyone one up, including yourself. It is so important that we speak words of life over ourselves, our families, friends and our situations. These words are found all over in the Living Word of God.
Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
That's what I have been doing during this "wait" moment. Arming myself and my familiy and friends with words that speak life in to my situation. We have been given the Authority to trample on the head of the enemy. He has no power over you or your circumstance. He is nothing more than a bully who makes a lot of noise and that is all it is - NOISE. Shut him up and shut him down.
Can I make a suggestion? Open up your bible - I know you have one. You may have to look for it, but it's there. Most of us have iPhones or Androids - download the bible app. You can even set it up to give you a verse for the day. One verse that you can meditate on, ponder, and thank God for. It is ONE verse. I promise you, you will not regret it. As you let the Living Word of God start to take root in your heart, soon those negative thoughts and space-filler words will start to dissipate and you will be on your way to a life of Victory!
I can't believe it's the weekend again. Spring is here! At least, I was told. :D I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon today. Another story of God's faithfulness, which I will share later.
God bless your weekend.
Aloha!
I'm up early again... can't sleep. I am sure this is totally normal, considering the circumstances. I'm thinking about an awesome cup of coffee - but I am also thinking that it just might be too early for that - it is 2:30 in the morning.
I read a really awesome book this past weekend, Possessing your Healing written by Kynan Bridges. I had heard our Pastor and Andrew Womack teach on the very same topic and I started to view God's healing in a whole new light, then. The book goes in to more detail and it really makes you think twice about how we see God's love and nature when it comes to forgiveness and HEALING. I would highly recommend it. You can download it from the iBooks store for only 3.99 and it is a fast read.
I am also reading The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. Another awesome book. This book is right on point when it comes to what goes on in our minds and how it affects our lives. Her descriptions are no-nonsense, no fluffs. I think that is the problem we have today - too much fluff.
So here is what I face during the "wait" times.
We all know the difference between positive vs negative thinking or having a positive vs a negative attitude. I am sure your mind has taken you through the "what if" scenarios in life, mine has. But lately, I feel like there is a full-blown war being waged in my mind.
The bible tells us this:
Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
How do you combat? The Word of God.
These powers of of darkness are really and truly powerless against the word of God. The enemy is a liar, he lost the battle over 2000 years ago.
The problem with waiting in times such as the one I am in at the moment, is our minds become fertile ground for attacks. These attacks come in a form of doubt, fear and loneliness, amongst other things.
It doesn't matter what you are facing, big or small, you are now a prime target. (We are always targets, I think we become bigger targets when we face trials because we start to get preoccupied with our circumstances and take our eyes off our prize - our Heavenly Father). The bible tells us that the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. He will steal your confidence and instill fear and doubt and before you know it you are on a downward spiral. Can I ask you a favor? One day, pay attention to the words that come in and out of your head. Are they positive or negative? Are they words that will benefit you or mindless words that have no use for you? Are they words that will please our Heavenly Father or space-fillers?
Our church is in the middle of a small group study called Soul Detox - I feel like this was pre-ordained especially for me at this time. The first session was on Lethal Language - words that do not build anyone one up, including yourself. It is so important that we speak words of life over ourselves, our families, friends and our situations. These words are found all over in the Living Word of God.
Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
That's what I have been doing during this "wait" moment. Arming myself and my familiy and friends with words that speak life in to my situation. We have been given the Authority to trample on the head of the enemy. He has no power over you or your circumstance. He is nothing more than a bully who makes a lot of noise and that is all it is - NOISE. Shut him up and shut him down.
Can I make a suggestion? Open up your bible - I know you have one. You may have to look for it, but it's there. Most of us have iPhones or Androids - download the bible app. You can even set it up to give you a verse for the day. One verse that you can meditate on, ponder, and thank God for. It is ONE verse. I promise you, you will not regret it. As you let the Living Word of God start to take root in your heart, soon those negative thoughts and space-filler words will start to dissipate and you will be on your way to a life of Victory!
I can't believe it's the weekend again. Spring is here! At least, I was told. :D I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon today. Another story of God's faithfulness, which I will share later.
God bless your weekend.
Aloha!
Thursday, March 21, 2013
My Journey... Yet another date with more machines...
It's been quiet around here lately, aside from the normal day to day activities, you know, laundry, cooking, playdates, homework, etc... It was nice... then...
I waited for the surgeon's office to schedule an appointment to talk to discuss in further details the findings of the MRI. They didn't call Monday, as promised that we would hear from them. Tuesday morning comes, I am on the phone calling them. I am slightly annoyed because I am now calling them instead of the other way around. (It is so annoying when people don't realize that they now revolve around your world. In this case, my world! ... Wait - what? what do you mean they don't!)
As I am talking to the receptionist, (who has decided before listening to my full request that she knows why I am calling through her excellent selective hearing skills), the conversation starts to go downhill fast! I really was calm, and all I needed was to book an appointment with the surgeon, who suggested we meet. But now I find myself working extra hard not to lose my cool and keep my tone nice and calm. It was not the case inside my head!
Here is how the conversation goes:
Remember, I am trying to get an appointment with my doctor.
Receptionist - (upon hearing the words MRI results): Oh, I can't do that I am not a nurse.
Me: (taken aback): oh... well .... can I talk to the nurse then?
Receptionist puts me on hold. She comes back on the line and says:
The doctor is in the OR today. The nurse said we have to talk to the doctor and then we will get back to you.
At this point now, she has confirmed that she has no idea why I am calling. And I now have every right to blow up at her - I have spent over 10 minutes of my time on the phone and have accomplished nothing!
I tried to stop her, but she kept rambling on. Finally, she stops. I asked:
Why do you need to talk to the doctor?
Receptionist: about your MRI results.
Me: (in my head - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!) then I put my smile back on my face and said, I know what my reults are.
Receptionist: Oh! Well, then why are you calling?
Me: (in my head again - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!)
Frustrating, isn't it?
That long ordeal led to another ultra-sound, and now an MRI-guided biopsy for right side of my girls. Yay, fun!!
As I watched them conduct the ultra-sound, I tried to decipher what they were saying. I even watched their facial expressions for the non-verbal communication. I figured between what they were saying, (which is another language in itself) and the expressions on their faces I should be able to get some information.
The MRI from last week showed that there is something on my right side as well.
Based on what I gathered from the observations of the radiologist and the technician, and what they told me, which they tried to give me a positive report, 99% positive, I am pretty sure I have nothing to worry about. The Word does say, that by HIS Stripes, we ARE healed.
The doctors themselves want to make sure, so now I have another date with the BIG SCARY MACHINE again. UGH! And this time, they will perform a biopsy while I am in there!! I informed her that I am a wimp and do not want to feel pain.
I waited for the surgeon's office to schedule an appointment to talk to discuss in further details the findings of the MRI. They didn't call Monday, as promised that we would hear from them. Tuesday morning comes, I am on the phone calling them. I am slightly annoyed because I am now calling them instead of the other way around. (It is so annoying when people don't realize that they now revolve around your world. In this case, my world! ... Wait - what? what do you mean they don't!)
As I am talking to the receptionist, (who has decided before listening to my full request that she knows why I am calling through her excellent selective hearing skills), the conversation starts to go downhill fast! I really was calm, and all I needed was to book an appointment with the surgeon, who suggested we meet. But now I find myself working extra hard not to lose my cool and keep my tone nice and calm. It was not the case inside my head!
Here is how the conversation goes:
Remember, I am trying to get an appointment with my doctor.
Receptionist - (upon hearing the words MRI results): Oh, I can't do that I am not a nurse.
Me: (taken aback): oh... well .... can I talk to the nurse then?
Receptionist puts me on hold. She comes back on the line and says:
The doctor is in the OR today. The nurse said we have to talk to the doctor and then we will get back to you.
At this point now, she has confirmed that she has no idea why I am calling. And I now have every right to blow up at her - I have spent over 10 minutes of my time on the phone and have accomplished nothing!
I tried to stop her, but she kept rambling on. Finally, she stops. I asked:
Why do you need to talk to the doctor?
Receptionist: about your MRI results.
Me: (in my head - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!) then I put my smile back on my face and said, I know what my reults are.
Receptionist: Oh! Well, then why are you calling?
Me: (in my head again - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!)
Frustrating, isn't it?
That long ordeal led to another ultra-sound, and now an MRI-guided biopsy for right side of my girls. Yay, fun!!
As I watched them conduct the ultra-sound, I tried to decipher what they were saying. I even watched their facial expressions for the non-verbal communication. I figured between what they were saying, (which is another language in itself) and the expressions on their faces I should be able to get some information.
The MRI from last week showed that there is something on my right side as well.
Based on what I gathered from the observations of the radiologist and the technician, and what they told me, which they tried to give me a positive report, 99% positive, I am pretty sure I have nothing to worry about. The Word does say, that by HIS Stripes, we ARE healed.
The doctors themselves want to make sure, so now I have another date with the BIG SCARY MACHINE again. UGH! And this time, they will perform a biopsy while I am in there!! I informed her that I am a wimp and do not want to feel pain.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
My Journey... Sucker-punched!
3/15 Sucker-punched!
I know this journey will have its peaks and valleys, but that knowledge does not prepare you, ever!
I asked my husband to call the surgeon for the results of the MRI. I thought I was prepared and fully armed to handle whatever is thrown my way - but I was so wrong!! I felt sucker-punched as he told me his conversation with the surgeon.
I stood frozen in our bedroom with my son right next door. I needed to just weep, but I couldn't. My son is on a "need to know basis" and he is already really suspicious of what has been whirling around him.
I truly believe that there is a time when you should just drop to the ground and have a good long crying fest. (Drop yourself up against a wall, then slowly melt to the ground.) :) Let God know how you really truly feel, if you know what that is, sometimes I know I am frustrated but I can't put it into words. Just pour out your soul to Him, no pretense, no cover-ups, just be true. He gets it, He gets you.... In your distress, He is distress. Before you melt down, He already knew you were going to melt down. Psalm 139:4 - "Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord know it completely." So go for it and give it all you've got.
Unfortunately, I could not have my melt down moment. A friend and I were joking that maybe I should schedule a time for my melt down... Not a bad idea at all. But then, it is hard to re-create the intensity of the moment - I'm thinking waking up at 4 in the morning, finding a wall, drop myself up against it and then try to cry is not going to be as dramatic as the actual moment. :) (Are you picture this?) hehehe... Anyway...
My quick, step one, in and out, is not going to be. My surgery will be more extensive that I had hoped. My resolve remains the same. I know I am healed - there is no doubt in my mind of the promises that God has given me - given all of us. Over 2000 years ago, Jesus bore our diseases when He was hung on the cross - and the Word says, that "By His stripes we ARE healed." It is a done deal, we don't have to ask God to heal us, we just have to receive it.
So now what?
March 17 (never finished)
I did wake up at 4 in the morning, and instead of a meltdown, I got the urge to call my mom. Thank God for praying moms (and dads). As we started to talk while I peruse my email, the very first email was a devotion with this scripture:
Luke 10:19
Behold, I give you the AUTHORITY to trample on serpents and scorpions, and OVER ALL the power of the enemy, and NOTHING shall by any means hurt you.
HA!
I shared it with my mom and we started praising God for His Word - for His promise - for His faithfulness! I mean seriously, could I have found a better scripture on my own to re-assure me of who I am in Christ?!? I have the authority over all the power of the enemy!
Needless to say, my mom and I did some trampling on the enemy's head through prayer and we had a good laugh after that.
So go ahead and do some trampling yourself - the enemy is a liar. He will come and put things in your head that are not true - he wants to kill, steal and destroy. That is his M.O. So he will put negative thoughts in your head and make you feel worthless, not-good-enough, not strong enough, and undeserving. He will make you feel weak and nervous, keep you up at night wondering all the "what-ifs," "if only...", "I'm not as popular," "they like so and so better..." If he can keep you imprisoned by those thoughts, then he can weaken you and the cycle just keeps going.
You are VICTORIOUS! You have been given authority over all the power of the enemy. This is what Christ did for you. Your job? Simple - Receive!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Aloha!
Me
I know this journey will have its peaks and valleys, but that knowledge does not prepare you, ever!
I asked my husband to call the surgeon for the results of the MRI. I thought I was prepared and fully armed to handle whatever is thrown my way - but I was so wrong!! I felt sucker-punched as he told me his conversation with the surgeon.
I stood frozen in our bedroom with my son right next door. I needed to just weep, but I couldn't. My son is on a "need to know basis" and he is already really suspicious of what has been whirling around him.
I truly believe that there is a time when you should just drop to the ground and have a good long crying fest. (Drop yourself up against a wall, then slowly melt to the ground.) :) Let God know how you really truly feel, if you know what that is, sometimes I know I am frustrated but I can't put it into words. Just pour out your soul to Him, no pretense, no cover-ups, just be true. He gets it, He gets you.... In your distress, He is distress. Before you melt down, He already knew you were going to melt down. Psalm 139:4 - "Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord know it completely." So go for it and give it all you've got.
Unfortunately, I could not have my melt down moment. A friend and I were joking that maybe I should schedule a time for my melt down... Not a bad idea at all. But then, it is hard to re-create the intensity of the moment - I'm thinking waking up at 4 in the morning, finding a wall, drop myself up against it and then try to cry is not going to be as dramatic as the actual moment. :) (Are you picture this?) hehehe... Anyway...
My quick, step one, in and out, is not going to be. My surgery will be more extensive that I had hoped. My resolve remains the same. I know I am healed - there is no doubt in my mind of the promises that God has given me - given all of us. Over 2000 years ago, Jesus bore our diseases when He was hung on the cross - and the Word says, that "By His stripes we ARE healed." It is a done deal, we don't have to ask God to heal us, we just have to receive it.
So now what?
March 17 (never finished)
I did wake up at 4 in the morning, and instead of a meltdown, I got the urge to call my mom. Thank God for praying moms (and dads). As we started to talk while I peruse my email, the very first email was a devotion with this scripture:
Luke 10:19
Behold, I give you the AUTHORITY to trample on serpents and scorpions, and OVER ALL the power of the enemy, and NOTHING shall by any means hurt you.
HA!
I shared it with my mom and we started praising God for His Word - for His promise - for His faithfulness! I mean seriously, could I have found a better scripture on my own to re-assure me of who I am in Christ?!? I have the authority over all the power of the enemy!
Needless to say, my mom and I did some trampling on the enemy's head through prayer and we had a good laugh after that.
So go ahead and do some trampling yourself - the enemy is a liar. He will come and put things in your head that are not true - he wants to kill, steal and destroy. That is his M.O. So he will put negative thoughts in your head and make you feel worthless, not-good-enough, not strong enough, and undeserving. He will make you feel weak and nervous, keep you up at night wondering all the "what-ifs," "if only...", "I'm not as popular," "they like so and so better..." If he can keep you imprisoned by those thoughts, then he can weaken you and the cycle just keeps going.
You are VICTORIOUS! You have been given authority over all the power of the enemy. This is what Christ did for you. Your job? Simple - Receive!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Aloha!
Me
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