2 Corinthians 5:21 God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, that we may be the righteousness of God in Him...
About a week and a half ago I embarked on a journey that was not by any choice
of mine... However, I now realized that in the past 3 months (maybe more), God
has been preparing me for it.
I have decided to start this blog because
I want to share with you God's faithfulness to those who are called His
Righteousness.
Side note... i have a 6 year old and I may not be able to
always complete a thought or a sentence... such as now, since he is asking to
play hide and seek. please bare with me. I do believe that what I will learn and
grow from during this time will also allow you to grow. if nothing else, let the
Word of my Heavenly Father be an encouragement to you everyday.
So...
where or how do I start...
On February 22, just a couple of
weeks ago, (feels longer than that), I went in for a routine mammogram. I should
have known that it wasn't going to be routine as it was already different from
the previous ones, starting with where I was going for this procedure.
On
february 25th, I received a call that the doctor would like for me to come back
in because they saw something that needs to be looked at closer. I was told to
be prepare to be there for a couple of hours as they will also be doing and
ultrasound of the area they are interested in. I was able to get an appointment
for that thursday, February 28. The night before this new appointment, my 6 year
old kept asking me to play Standing by William McDowell. the first two lines of
the song are, "Can you hear the voice of the Father, Inviting you to walk on the
water, risk it all, answer the call and enter in..." As I sat there and listen
to my 6 year old sing along to this song, i knew in my heart what the results of
these exams were going to be. As he sang the whole song, I felt the warm
reassurance from the Father that He will walk with me and my prayers, as well
as, the prayers of everyone who will be praying will be answered.
Wednesday morning - God (through devotions by several authors), showed
me these scripture:
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but
in everything by prayer and supplications with thanksgiving let your request be
madeknown to God. And the PEACE of God which surpasses all understanding will
guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
colossians 4:2
Devote
yourselves to prayer, being watchful and THANKFUL...
I Thessalonians
5:17-18
Pray continually, give THANKS in all circumstances, for this is
God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Pslams 32:8
I will instruct
you and teach you in the way you should go, i will counsel you and watch over
you...
these scriptures added "Christ-confidence" to the material of the
armour that God was designing for me for the battle that laid ahead. :)
the next morning, i woke up, studied my morning devotionals and learned
as My Saviour continued to knit my armour. this time He clothed me with:
Psalms 62:5-8
After reading this passage, I took it and rewrote
it in the first person...
My soul will find rest in You alone, my
God; my hope comes from You.
you are my Rock and my Salvation;
You are my
Fortress, I will not be shaken.
My Salvation and my honor depend on You, God;
You are my mighty Rock, my Refuge.
I will trust you al all times, I pour out
my heart to You, for You, my God, are my REfuge.
About a week and a half ago I embarked on a journey that was not by any choice of mine... However, I now realized that in the past 3 months (maybe more), God has been preparing me for it.
ReplyDeleteI have decided to start this blog because I want to share with you God's faithfulness to those who are called His Righteousness.
Side note... i have a 6 year old and I may not be able to always complete a thought or a sentence... such as now, since he is asking to play hide and seek. please bare with me. I do believe that what I will learn and grow from during this time will also allow you to grow. if nothing else, let the Word of my Heavenly Father be an encouragement to you everyday. So...
where or how do I start...
On February 22, just a couple of weeks ago, (feels longer than that), I went in for a routine mammogram. I should have known that it wasn't going to be routine as it was already different from the previous ones, starting with where I was going for this procedure.
On february 25th, I received a call that the doctor would like for me to come back in because they saw something that needs to be looked at closer. I was told to be prepare to be there for a couple of hours as they will also be doing and ultrasound of the area they are interested in. I was able to get an appointment for that thursday, February 28. The night before this new appointment, my 6 year old kept asking me to play Standing by William McDowell. the first two lines of the song are, "Can you hear the voice of the Father, Inviting you to walk on the water, risk it all, answer the call and enter in..." As I sat there and listen to my 6 year old sing along to this song, i knew in my heart what the results of these exams were going to be. As he sang the whole song, I felt the warm reassurance from the Father that He will walk with me and my prayers, as well as, the prayers of everyone who will be praying will be answered.
Wednesday morning - God (through devotions by several authors), showed me these scripture:
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplications with thanksgiving let your request be madeknown to God. And the PEACE of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
colossians 4:2
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and THANKFUL...
I Thessalonians 5:17-18
Pray continually, give THANKS in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Pslams 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, i will counsel you and watch over you...
these scriptures added "Christ-confidence" to the material of the armour that God was designing for me for the battle that laid ahead. :)
the next morning, i woke up, studied my morning devotionals and learned as My Saviour continued to knit my armour. this time He clothed me with:
Psalms 62:5-8
After reading this passage, I took it and rewrote it in the first person...
My sould will find rest in You alone, my God; my hope comes from You.
you are my Rock and my Salvation;
You are my Fortress, I will not be shaken.
My Salvation and my honor depend on You, God; You are my mighty Rock, my Refuge.
I will trust you al all times, I pour out my heart to You, for You, my God, are my REfuge.
Psalms 86:12
ReplyDeleteI will praise You, O Lord my God, with ALL my heart, and I will GLORIFY you name forever.
Psalms 73:23
Nevertheless I am continually with you; You hold me by my right hand...
At this point now, I have absolutely no fear of the exams waiting for me that morning.
then 1 Corinthians 10:13 said:
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear, but with the temptation will also make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it.
Armed with a hope and peace found only Christ Jesus, I dropped my son off to school and headed over to get these exams over and done with.
they took me in and gave me one of those horrendous looking tops (girls - you know what I am talking about). who desinged those things anyway? Seriously! my motto has always been, "if all else fails, look good!" Guess what? there is nothing you can do to make these things look somewhat good. and now I officially look horrible!
How many of you ladies have walked out of the dressing rooom of these places wanting to sing "I'm too sexy for my shirt!" i always do! but, in the previous years, whenever i walk out to the sitting area, it always feels like a downer. This day was no different, except I didn;t care, i looked at the other lady waiting to go in and get her boobs squashed my that machine, and decided to sing as I danced, I'm too sexy for THis shirt!. to sexy for this shirt, too ... i stopped there... she looked at me with such disgust as if to say, this is no joking matter... and so I quietly sat down, thinking... hmmm ... bad joke... and decided to talk to God using the note app on my phone. Sheesh!!!
Thank God i was called in soon thereafter.... can you say awkward!!!
the exam.... second look...
this time my boob was squashed even harder... the technician let me look at pictures and showed me what they were referring to... she sent me out, but keep the sexy shirt on. then i was called back in for more squashing.. even harder this time. we still see the mass they were referring to. then i was sent back out... still staying in my sexy shirt... did i tell you how much i hate those tops?
then i was called in for the ultrasound. this is where it starts to get interesting in my head.
the second i put my head on the pillow an old old song pops in my head... God you are my God, and I will ever praise you.... i tried to recall the words of the song and kept singing it like a broken record in my head. i asked, God why are you reminding me of this song? just as this line plays, "and step by step you'll lead me..." at this point I got the urge to look at the screen for the ultrasound. As i looked up at it, I saw the technician measuring and measuring and measuring. As i tell myself, "I don't I would want her to be measuring anything right now." during pregnancy, you want to see them measure because it shows the growth of your baby, for a breast exam? yeah... NOPE.
and she continues to measure the same mass. Seriously, how many times and how many measurements does one mass need? i wanted her to measure up/down and side to side. Ok, done, let's bring the doctor in.
the technician then decides to check out the rest of my breast. I'm thinking, really? this is not exactly painless. and she finds a second mass. and after more measuring, she is off to get the doctor.
Now... all I have to say at this point now is PRAISE God that my faith and hope is in HIM because if it was in men and escpecially the doctor that came in!
going to have to continue later
I had to laugh at how somber the doctor looked when she came to tell me that I am no going to have to get a biopsy. First, it felt like forever when she was talking, and she looked so sad. LOL Really?
ReplyDeleteA worker then walked me to a closet (it felt like it - it was a tiny room). The brown sliding door that she closed behind herself was about 18 inches from my face. the actual walk down the hallway to my closet was so dreary I thought of the movie "deadman walking." The experience was comical! And it only was because I knew that God was continually with me and He was holding me by my right hand.
PRAISE GOD FOR HIS WORD!!!
Finally the nurse arrived with great news - the breast surgeon will be able to see me @ 8:45 the next morning! GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!! He will rearrange schedules and make openings in where we would think is impossible.
March 1 - the day of the biopsy... Can I tell you that my pain tolerance is ZERO??!!?? I hate pain and don't do it in any way shape or form!!! With that said, they told me that they will NUMB the area. Since I will not be feeling any pain, (at least that is what I thought), I decided that I will look HOT for this procedure. Hair? check! makeup? check! knee high boots? check! I am doing this in style!!
ReplyDeleteAnd best of all, this is what God woke me up to that morning:
Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for NOTHING but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING let your request be made know to God.
Isaiah 26:3
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust you.
then I paraphrase - Father, You will keep my mind in perfect peace because I TRUST You. :)
Psalms 55:22
Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the RIGHTEOUS (that's me!) be SHAKEN
and so with my hubby (he's the best) on my side we head out to see the breast surgeon.
about 45 minutes after we arrived and we've filled out paperwork, talked to the surgeon, ...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP! that HURTS!!!! i was later told by my dear husband that they only numb the entry way for the equipment, not the actual tissue! FULL DISCLOSURE PEOPLE!!!
(btw - my breast surgeon? she's awesome and she loves shoes!!!! gotta love that in your breast surgeon).
with that we came home. I was told to load up on ibuprofen and ice the area - did I tell you how awesome my Heavenly Father is? I took 3 ibuprofen when I got home, made myself a hair appointment and felt NO pain after that. I never had to ice the area.
He will sustain me, He has and will continue to hold my right hand....
God is awesome! He is faithful!
What are you facing today? What trials in life are becoming stumbling blocks for you?
I am writing this to let you know that with God ALL things are POSSIBLE - they may seem impossible to us, but not with God. And best of all, He truly does want to be there for you. He wants to be the ANSWER for you.
For Him, your problems or trials are not a burden, a nuisance or an inconvenience... It brings Him pleasure to know that you feel comfortable enough to come to Him and that you TRUST Him.
you are probably thinking that you have not spoken to God in a while.... or He will not hear you because you are a sinner. that I don't understand...
The bible tells us that "ALL have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God..."
I fall under the ALL category... I have chosen to take Him at His promise and call out to Him time and time again...
I invite you to trust the God that I refer to as my Heavenly Father. He is my Healer, my Refuge, my Strong Tower, my Rock, my Salvation. He is so many things to me. It's crazy because He is the King of all kings, Lord of all, the Almighty God, Prince of Peace, God of the Universe and I get to call Him Abba Father!!!
Ok my friend... wife duties and momma duties call. :)
I will sign off for now in the way that we send each other off in our family...
God bless your day today.
A-looooooooooooo-ha!
Monday morning came and I fully expected to get the phone call that day. these are the scriptures I woke up to:
ReplyDeleteLuke 12:25-26
Which of you by worrying can add ONE hour to his/her life? if you then are not able to do the least, why do you worry about the rest?????
1Thessalonians 5:15-16
Rejoice ALWAYS, pray CONTINUALLY and GIVE THANKS in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
I write in my journal - I don't understand what's going on in my life, but I trust that You are good and Your plans are good.
I knew that morning before the phone call what the results were going to be. I felt it confirmed in my spirit when I read the words, "give thanks in ALL circumstances."
that afternoon my thoughts were confirmed. My shoe-loving breast surgeon call me to say that the biopsy has confirmed that it is cancer - the dreaded "C" word. oooooooo...
she went on to tell me that it is a rare form found in 80 year old women! WAIT! WHAT???!!!??? 80?
You see, now I know God has a sense of humour. He knows the "age fighting" labratory I have turned my master bath in to and so He thinks it should be funny to allow an old person disease to be the one that i get to do battle with.
HELLO!!!! I am NOT old!!!
I immediately replied to my doctor - "I swear I have never had plastic surgery!" and we laughed. and i am still laughing so hard at this. if you know me, then you also that i have been celebrrating turning 28 for the last few years. :D
But this day is so typical of how God works.
He promises us and teaches us through His Word on how to receive these types of news. News that seem devastating to the human understanding, but not with Him - because in Him ALL things are possible.
I called my husband to tell him the results and at the end of the conversation I asked him, "how are you? ... really?" after a short pause he echoed exactly how I was feeling, "good. I am good." I said, "it's weird isn't it? to be this calm about this news." he agreed and then I said, "this is the peace that surpasses all understanding that He promised."
the Scriptures that I woke up to this morning are exactly what I needed for this day. God is faithful to walk us through every trial.
TRUST Him - and you too will be able to experience His peace which surpasses all understanding. You don't have to go at it alone. You don't have to do life alone - it's too hard. Let Him carry you, let Him sustain you.
The Preparation...
ReplyDeleteI sort of knew that God was going to have me walk a tough road if you want to call it that.
I started 2013 with some new devotional books. I added Jesus Calling by Sharon Young, 90 days with Jesus by Beth Moore to my normal devotionals. I bought both these books a couple of years ago but never opened them. Those of you who know me are smiling and shaking your heads, as this revelation is not surprise you. Those of you who don't, procrastination is the middle name I was never given. :)
As I read and studied the Word, God kept reminding me to TRUST Him. There are about 4-5 devotionals that I study from daily and TRUST seemed to be the theme. I even stopped a few times and said, "Father, I do trust you. You don't have to remind me of that. I trust you with everything, every fiber of my being. You know I trust you."
But the trust lessons continued and I decided to go with the flow.
January Verses (I have already shared some of the February verses)
Psalms 52:8
I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong, be courages. Do not be terrified because of them for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Luke 1:49
For He who is mighty has done great things for me and holy is His name.
2 corinthians 12:9
My GRACE is sufficient for you and My power (strength) is made perfect in weakness
the list goes on and on...
You see, God knew long before I knew that I would take this journey. And because He loves me, He prepared me. I truly believe that EVERY single step I take, He has pre-ordained.
Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, Before you were born, I sanctified you, I ordained you a prophet to nations.
Long before my parents and grandparents awaited my arrival in to this world, (they had no clue what they were in for - hehehe), God knew that I would one day, sit here and share this journey with you.
The same goes for you my friend, (old and new). God KNEW you before He formed you in your mother's womb. He had and still has a plan for you. He knows your struggles, your trials and your victories. He cries with you when you are sad and hurt, and He celebrates with you during your victories.
The question is, do you know that? Are you doing life alone when you really don't need to?
He knew you.... He wants to be there for you...
After the phone call from my doctor, it is now my turn to make some phone calls. I knew in my heart that EVERYTHING was going to be ok. I felt the presence of God come upon me and I had NO fear. I wasn't sure how my love ones would take the call, I really didn't want them to be scared or lose hope.
ReplyDeleteI started with my husband. At the end of the conversation I asked him, "how are you, really?" He paused for a moment and then answered, "I'm good." I said, "me too." I then said, "This is His peace which surpasses all understanding." And we both agreed, God is so faithful.
Next call, my mom... How will she take this news? She just lost Papa this past October...
My mom is a strong woman of faith, she loves God and she has been through some tough struggles herself. But as a mom, I know it's different when it's your child. My senior pastor posted yesterday that our jobs as parents never end.
As I was talking to my mom, I hear these words come out of my mouth:
"You know mom, this is not from God. However, God has allowed it for HIS PURPOSE and for HIS GLORY."
And with that James 1:2-3 pops in to my head...
Count it pure joy, my brothers, (and sisters too!), whenever you face trials of many kinds because the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
No, I do not have the scriptures memorized verbatim with their addresses, but using my excellent paraphrasing skills, (hehehe), I googled it.
Anyway, that conversation with my mom was such a revelation for me. I now have a renewed sense of purpose. BUT NOW WHAT?
I am an EXTREMELY PRIVATE person when it comes to my struggles. As far as I am concerned they are between me and God. I will be the first to testify of His faithfulness and share the report, but the struggle? Heck NO!
And so, I made a couple more phone calls to my sisters and then struggled with who else to tell. I really didn't want to tell anyone. I was however, already planning my testimony and was excited to give the report of how ONCE AGAIN God has walked me through another fire.
I knew I had to share but I really didn't want to. I don't do, "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that" well. I don't know how to recieve that and I definitely don't know how to react to that.
But the words that came out of my own mouth kept playing in my head like a broken record and the scripture whose address I now know is playing right alongside it. (I am still paraphrasing it).
I shared it with a few more people, and as I did that, I felt this urge to shout about how faithful God is and that we will see His mercies be renewed every morning.
I am seeing His mercy renewed every morning through His word. He has also surrounded me with His people who are now uplifting me through prayers and reminders of His promises.
HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME!!!!
He has that same promise for you.
Take Him at His word...
Make it a point this weekend to attend a church service. A lot of churches now have services on Saturday Night. We have a lot of options. It's a couple of hours of your weekend, BUT I promise you, if it is a bible teaching church, you will NOT be disappointed.
God wants a date with you this weekend...
Sending you warm Alohas from my Heavenly Father....
God bless.
It's hard to believe that it's exactly one week from today when I received the call from the doctor with my diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteThe weekend was interesting... it was a good weekend for the most part. Had a great time of worship and our pastor taught a great word which was very educational with a lot of "aha" moments.
This Thursday is my MRI. It was originally scheduled for the 28th, praise God it was moved up. I have been in "wait mode" which is a tough place to be. The enemy loves the wait mode because it is his oppurtunity to come and play with our minds. I have decided not to speak life in to the thoughts that he taunts me with. He is a liar anyway. While I do not believe a word of what he is trying to plant in my head and I will not allow those thoughts to take hold of my mind and soul, I am only human. And so the battle rages on.
I am one of the most impatient people you will ever meet. I want everything yesterday, hurry up and get moving... which is how i am feeling about the next steps of this journey...
and yet I wait...
I am happy to report that I am winning!
This morning my studies started with:
Romans 8:37
"Yet in ALL these things we are MORE than CONQUERORS through Him who loved us"
They say we are what we eat... The same goes for our hearts and minds. Our hearts and minds are what we read or listen to.
I have learned through out my life that when I do not spend some time in the Word, I don't have peace when I face life's struggles. Life's trials are supposed to strengthen us, not defeat us. The enemy sees those trials as an oppurtunity for him to come at us full speed ahead with all the lies that he can come at us with. He is after all the father of lies.
You and I are the masterpiece of God's creation and therefore have the oppurtunity to come against the enemy and his lies.
You don't have to listen to him... and you can win the battle - we are already victorious - we just need to know how to apply the gift of God's word.
Thankfully our church has started a timely study called Soul Detox - just in time for my fight! I plan on being prepared and ready to battle every attack the enemy has for me - he chose the wrong girl to go after.
I will be armed at all times with the Word of God - I was reminded in church this past Saturday of the Armour of God:
Ephesians 6:10-18
Stand therefore, HAVING GIRDED YOUR WAIST WITH TRUTH, having PUT ON THE BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, 15 and having SHOD YOUR FEET WITH PREPARATION OF THE GOSPEL OF PEACE; 16 above all, taking the SHIELD OF FAITH with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the HELMET OF SALVATION, and the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—
I have capitalized the components of the Armour - wish I could highlight it for you, but I am not too swift with this blog thing - I will learn it eventually.
But this my friends is how we do battle.
Put on your armour, guard your heart and mind, and don't forget we have already won -Christ did the work for us. "Yet in all these things we are MORE than conquerors..." the enemy is a liar, he knows he has already lost.
And so my prayer for you this week is that you remember to put on your armour before you get too far in to the week. Don't do life without it. :)
Remember, WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS!
Much Love!!!!
:) Me
So I finally got the courage to remove the strips that were put on over the area that was biopsy. PHEW! Glad that is over! I have dreaded this day - it looked like it would be so painful, and I fully expected to see a hole - CAN YOU SAY DRAMA!!!!!????!!! And can I tell you that when you take 2 flax seeds and line them up, THAT IS THE SIZE OF THE INCISION!!! As my cousin would put it ever so delicately, "OH FOR THE LOVE!" On to more important things... Waiting...
ReplyDeleteI have been waiting for about a week and a half for my MRI.
This waiting thing is for the birds! Although I don't see many birds that wait. So maybe it's another animal... WAIT - who cares! I am still waiting.
The MRI is scheduled tomorrow - YAY!!! - Not! - I am claustrophobic! Thankfully, God has blessed people with the ability, wisdom and knowledge to make these little things called pills, that will make me feel relaxed and hopefully get some ZZZZZ's while I'm in the Big Scary Machine. :D
I am looking forward to the MRI. We need to get that over with and on to the next step. I am still not quite sure why they need to see the mass - we know it's there, we know what it is - so.... should we not just get it out? maybe it's just the impatient side of me that is not comprehending this. I mean seriously.
Tonight I rest. :)
With that - Good Night, Sleep with the Angels....
Love,
Me
DADDY'S GIRL
ReplyDeleteYesterday the phrase "Daddy's girl" popped in my head and then the line "My Daddy and I are going to beat this."
I have been blessed to have had two earthly dads. One who brought me in to this world and one who raised me. For my new friends who don't know me, I'm a handful to say the very least - I needed to daddys. :) BUT, Daddy's girl did not refer to my earthly dads, I knew it was referring to my Heavenly Father. I love the phrase, "Abba Father." For me this phrase encompasses all what a father should be, and when you think about it, our Heavenly Father is the epitome of Fatherhood.
And so this morning, I have been showed yet once again that He is the perfect Father.
Isaiah 63:9
In all their distress, HE too was distressed.
Acts 17:28
For in HIM we live and move and have our being... we are HIS offspring.
I am HIS offspring - DADDY'S GIRL. I may not understand this journey, but I TRUST HIM. I don't even have to understand this journey, I just need to TRUST HIM. For His thoughts are are not my thoughts, neither are His ways my ways... As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than mine and His thoughts than mine.
When your hope is placed in our Heavenly FATHER, when you know you are not "doing life" alone, you walk boldly into life and all it's trials. When you know you are able to go boldly before the mercy throne of the Almighty, what do you have to fear? NOTHING!
He never promised a trial-free life. He promised that He will take us by the hand and walk WITH us through it.
In our distress, HE TOO is distressed.
He loves me!! :) (He loves you too.)
Make it a blessed day today my friends.
Aloha!
Me
ahhhhh!! I have a typo and I don't know how to edit! I may have to breakdown and bring in the professionals.
ReplyDeletetwo not to...as in two dads.
My Date with the BIG SCARY MACHINE...
ReplyDeleteIt went well. I had my hubby take me really early, like two hours early, because I never picked up the happy pills that were perscribed to chill me out. (Procrastination at it's finest). An hour before the procedure, I took one. The instructions were to take one. Half an hour before the procedure, I took another ONE. I know, I am such a wimp! I think the instructions said not to exceed three in one day - so I was good. I still had one more to take if I needed it. :)I am sure they did not mean for me to take all three in a two hour span. Hehehe :)
And so now, guess what I have to do? WAIT! I should hear from the surgeon today or Monday, I am hoping for today. We seriously need to move on the step two.
As I was sitting here this morning thinking of this waiting process which I am sure I am supposed to learn something from, this verse came to mind:
Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
This has always been one of my favorite verses. It always makes me feel renewed and reinvigorated. It's a verse that keeps me young and full of vitality.
And so I WAIT - but not for my doctor's call - I will wait upon the Lord, whose GRACE is sufficient for me, whose hand still upholds me.
I just read this morning, "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work."
And so with that said, I will wait with no worries but be happy. Ooooo, that song just popped in my head...
Don't worry.... Be happy...
What are you fretting about today? Something big? Something small? His GRACE is sufficient for all of us. Go to our Heavenly Father and say, "Can you please carry this for me? I don't want to deal with it." And He will carry it for you.
He says, "Come unto to Me ALL who are heavy laden and I will give you rest..."
I am not sure taking all three happy pills would have helped - because the moment I saw the machine, my heart went pitter-patter and not in a "I'm falling in love kind a way."
As I was going in to meet my date, (Mr. MRI machine), anxiety started to well up inside my head and chest. I stood in the dressing room, (I had to wear some not-so-fashionable outfit a-gain), I whispered, "Father, it's You and me again. Come with me to the exam table."
He did - He was right there with me. He knew my distress, He took my distress.
So, hand that worry piece over and rest in His grace and mercy. Don't let the enemy take your weekend by having you worrying over something that our Heavenly Father can easily help you with.
Guess what? It's the WEEKEND! Make sure you enjoy it. Rest in His mercy and grace. Get refreshed and renew - Find a church that will teach you about God's mercy and grace and feast on His Love for you.
Stay blessed!!
Aloha!
3/15 Sucker-punched!
ReplyDeleteI know this journey will have its peaks and valleys, but that knowledge does not prepare you, ever!
I asked my husband to call the surgeon for the results of the MRI. I thought I was prepared and fully armed to handle whatever is thrown my way - but I was so wrong!! I felt sucker-punched as he told me his conversation with the surgeon.
I stood frozen in our bedroom with my son right next door. I needed to just weep, but I couldn't. My son is on a "need to know basis" and he is already really suspicious of what has been whirling around him.
I truly believe that there is a time when you should just drop to the ground and have a good long crying fest. (Drop yourself up against a wall, then slowly melt to the ground.) :) Let God know how you really truly feel, if you know what that is, sometimes I know I am frustrated but I can't put it into words. Just pour out your soul to Him, no pretense, no cover-ups, just be true. He gets it, He gets you.... In your distress, He is distress. Before you melt down, He already knew you were going to melt down. Psalm 139:4 - "Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord know it completely." So go for it and give it all you've got.
Unfortunately, I could not have my melt down moment. A friend and I were joking that maybe I should schedule a time for my melt down... Not a bad idea at all. But then, it is hard to re-create the intensity of the moment - I'm thinking waking up at 4 in the morning, finding a wall, drop myself up against it and then try to cry is not going to be as dramatic as the actual moment. :) (Are you picture this?) hehehe... Anyway...
My quick, step one, in and out, is not going to be. My surgery will be more extensive that I had hoped. My resolve remains the same. I know I am healed - there is no doubt in my mind of the promises that God has given me - given all of us. Over 2000 years ago, Jesus bore our diseases when He was hung on the cross - and the Word says, that "By His stripes we ARE healed." It is a done deal, we don't have to ask God to heal us, we just have to receive it.
So now what?
March 17 (never finished)
I did wake up at 4 in the morning, and instead of a meltdown, I got the urge to call my mom. Thank God for praying moms (and dads). As we started to talk while I peruse my email, the very first email was a devotion with this scripture:
Luke 10:19
Behold, I give you the AUTHORITY to trample on serpents and scorpions, and OVER ALL the power of the enemy, and NOTHING shall by any means hurt you.
HA!
I shared it with my mom and we started praising God for His Word - for His promise - for His faithfulness! I mean seriously, could I have found a better scripture on my own to re-assure me of who I am in Christ?!? I have the authority over all the power of the enemy!
Needless to say, my mom and I did some trampling on the enemy's head through prayer and we had a good laugh after that.
So go ahead and do some trampling yourself - the enemy is a liar. He will come and put things in your head that are not true - he wants to kill, steal and destroy. That is his M.O. So he will put negative thoughts in your head and make you feel worthless, not-good-enough, not strong enough, and undeserving. He will make you feel weak and nervous, keep you up at night wondering all the "what-ifs," "if only...", "I'm not as popular," "they like so and so better..." If he can keep you imprisoned by those thoughts, then he can weaken you and the cycle just keeps going.
You are VICTORIOUS! You have been given authority over all the power of the enemy. This is what Christ did for you. Your job? Simple - Receive!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Aloha!
Me
It;s been quiet around here lately, aside from the normal day to day activities, you know, laundry, cooking, playdates, homework, etc... It was nice... then...
ReplyDeleteI waited for the surgeon's office to schedule an appointment to talk to discuss in further details the findings of the MRI. They didn't call Monday, as promised that we would hear from them. Tuesday morning comes, I am on the phone calling them. I am slightly annoyed because I am now calling them instead of the other way around. (It is so annoying when people don't realize that they now revolve around your world. In this case, my world! ... Wait - what? what do you mean they don't!)
As I am talking to the receptionist, (who has decided before listening to my full request that she knows why I am calling through her excellent selective hearing skills), the conversation starts to go downhill fast! I really was calm, and all I needed was to book an appointment with the surgeon, who suggested we meet. But now I find myself working extra hard not to lose my cool and keep my tone nice and calm. It was not the case inside my head!
Here is how the conversation goes:
Remember, I am trying to get an appointment with my doctor.
Receptionist - (upon hearing the words MRI results): Oh, I can't do that I am not a nurse.
Me: (taken aback): oh... well .... can I talk to the nurse then?
Receptionist puts me on hold. She comes back on the line and says:
The doctor is in the OR today. The nurse said we have to talk to the doctor and then we will get back to you.
At this point now, she has confirmed that she has no idea why I am calling. And I now have every right to blow up at her - I have spent over 10 minutes of my time on the phone and have accomplished nothing!
I tried to stop her, but she kept rambling on. Finally, she stops. I asked:
Why do you need to talk to the doctor?
Receptionist: about your MRI results.
Me: (in my head - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!) then I put my smile back on my face and said, I know what my reults are.
Receptionist: Oh! Well, then why are you calling?
Me: (in my head again - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!)
Frustrating, isn't it?
That long ordeal led to another ultra-sound, and now an MRI-guided biopsy for right side of my girls. Yay, fun!!
As I watched them conduct the ultra-sound, I tried to decipher what they were saying. I even watched their facial expressions for the non-verbal communication. I figured between what they were saying, (which is another language in itself) and the expressions on their faces I should be able to get some information.
The MRI from last week showed that there is something on my right side as well.
Based on what I gathered from the observations of the radiologist and the technician, and what they told me, which they tried to give me a positive report, 99% positive, I am pretty sure I have nothing to worry about. The Word does say, that by HIS Stripes, we ARE healed.
The doctors themselves want to make sure, so now I have another date with the BIG SCARY MACHINE again. UGH! And this time, they will perform a biopsy while I am in there!! I informed her that I am a wimp and do not want to feel pain.
I have to share with you what happened during the ultra-sound. As I laid there, I realized that I was completely calm and my mind was just a total blank, I had absolutely no worries.
ReplyDeleteI thought, "Wow, Father, You have totally taken all my anxieties away from me."
I had a hard time sleeping the night before. I was woken up to anxious thoughts whirling around in my head. The enemy decided to attack my mind while I was asleep. He's a sore loser and he knows he is not going to win this battle. So, he decides to attack me in my sleep. I immediately prayed against these thoughts, put on the TV and tried to fall asleep agian. I finally fell asleep at 3 and woke up at 6. I had just enough time to read through one devotional and say a prayer for the day ahead.
We must always be in the Word of God. There is no way you can do battle against the evil one if you are not armed. The Word of God is your sword, and when you are armed with that, you will win each and every time.